Jewish Religious Divorce (Get): Support, Custody & What U.S. Judges Can—and Can’t—Do
Scope and why this topic matters
A Jewish religious divorce (a get) is a document granted by a husband to a wife before a rabbinical tribunal (often a Beth Din). Without a get, observant Jews may face religious barriers to remarriage even after a civil divorce. U.S. courts cannot decide religious questions, but they regularly confront the civil consequences of get refusal: how (if at all) a judge may consider it when making support and custody orders, and whether courts may enforce contractual promises related to a get.
This guide explains the neutral-principles approach U.S. courts use to avoid entanglement, shows where certain states have enacted barriers-to-remarriage statutes, and maps practical strategies for lawyers and parties to present evidence without turning a civil case into a theological dispute.
Quick Guide (English)
- Courts cannot compel a religious act or interpret doctrine, but they may enforce secular contracts (e.g., a clause to appear before a Beth Din or to pay support until a get is delivered) using neutral contract law.
- Support: Some states allow judges to consider get-refusal in setting maintenance/alimony—not to punish religion, but to prevent economic coercion or barriers to remarriage. Others avoid the issue unless tied to a secular contract or statute.
- Custody: The only lodestar is the child’s best interests. Courts may weigh get-related conduct if it shows coercive control, domestic violence, or gatekeeping that affects the child—but they cannot rank the parents’ religiosity.
- Statutes: A few jurisdictions (notably parts of New York) require an affidavit that each spouse has removed barriers to remarriage before final judgment or allow courts to consider refusal when dividing property.
- Evidence packet: civil divorce pleadings; any prenuptial/postnuptial agreement about get; emails/texts showing pressure or bad faith; Beth Din correspondence; proof of counseling/mediation attempts.
Civil vs. religious divorce: distinct systems
In the U.S., a civil divorce ends the legal marriage for state-law purposes. A get is a religious remedy with spiritual effects inside Judaism. The two systems are independent. Courts therefore:
- apply civil family law (equitable distribution, maintenance, child support guidelines, parenting plans);
- avoid religious adjudication (First Amendment);
- can still apply neutral principles to a secular agreement that references religious processes (e.g., arbitration before a Beth Din, or a support obligation until a get is given).
How get issues arise in civil support orders
1) Using neutral contracts
Couples sometimes sign a ketubah clause, Beth Din arbitration agreement, or a separate halachic prenup stating (for example) that the parties will appear before a named tribunal and that a spouse who withholds a get will pay a daily support amount until the get is delivered. U.S. courts regularly enforce such undertakings if they are secularly intelligible (sum certain, signatures, no doctrinal construction required) and meet state requirements for arbitration agreements or premarital contracts (voluntariness, disclosure, conscionability).
2) Statutory frameworks (illustrative)
Some states have enacted laws touching barriers to remarriage. For example, parts of New York family law require an affidavit that the party has removed barriers to the other party’s remarriage before entry of a final judgment and allow courts to consider refusal to remove barriers in equitable distribution or maintenance. Not all states have similar statutes; always check the forum’s code and recent case law.
3) Equity and economic coercion
Even without a statute, courts may factor bad-faith leverage (e.g., “I will not give the get unless you waive support/property”) when deciding maintenance. The permissible path is to address the economic coercion, not to mandate a religious act. A court can, for example, award interim maintenance consistent with guidelines and deny concessions extracted under duress.
Custody/parenting time: where get refusal matters—or doesn’t
Custody turns on the child’s best interests. Judges will not prefer one faith over another, but they may consider get-related behavior if it bears on parenting capacity or co-parenting:
- Relevant: evidence of coercive control, intimidation, or gatekeeping around the divorce process; refusal that disrupts the child’s community or creates instability (e.g., ostracism in a close religious school) may count, not because of theology, but because of foreseeable impact on the child.
- Irrelevant: a parent’s general level of observance or a court’s speculation about religious merits. Courts avoid ordering parents to engage in specific religious acts, including giving or accepting a get.
When parents disagree about religious upbringing after divorce, the solution is usually a parenting plan that preserves significant decisions (education, religious attendance) for joint or sole authority, coupled with anti-disparagement and decision-making tie-breakers. Get disputes may be handled in parallel, outside the civil order.
Comparative approaches in U.S. cases (high level)
| Approach | What the court may do | Rationale | Pitfalls |
|---|---|---|---|
| Enforce secular agreement (prenup/Beth Din arbitration/support clause) | Compel arbitration or enter money judgment per contract; incorporate into maintenance | Neutral principles of contract; no doctrinal inquiry | Unconscionability; inadequate disclosure; vague terms |
| Apply barriers-to-remarriage statute | Require affidavit; consider refusal in equitable distribution/maintenance | State legislative policy against religious leverage | Limited to jurisdictions with statutes; constitutional challenges must be avoided |
| Best-interests analysis for custody | Weigh conduct only insofar as it affects the child (stability, domestic violence, cooperation) | Child-focused, religion-neutral framework | No preference for faith; avoid orders to perform religious acts |
| Decline religious entanglement | Refuse to compel granting/accepting a get | First Amendment; ecclesiastical abstention | Parties must seek relief via community mechanisms or contracts |
“Graphics” info — risk matrix for raising get issues in court
| Risk factor | Low | Medium | High | Mitigation |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Entanglement | Enforce purely secular contractual terms | Contract references Beth Din but terms ambiguous | Ask court to order a religious act directly | Use neutral remedies (money judgment, arbitration award) |
| Proof of coercion | Texts/emails showing quid-pro-quo pressure | Conflicting accounts | No documentary corroboration | Document negotiations; seek protective orders if needed |
| Custody relevance | Evidence of impact on child’s stability | Indirect impact only | Arguments about doctrine or parental religiosity | Tie arguments to best-interest factors only |
Building a persuasive record (support and custody)
- Contracts & writings: any halachic prenup, Beth Din arbitration agreement, or written promise to cooperate in obtaining a get. Ensure signatures, dates, and a clear sum certain for support-style clauses.
- Communications: messages showing refusal, quid-pro-quo demands, or agreement to appear before a tribunal. Keep metadata.
- Beth Din documents: notices to appear, correspondence, scheduling attempts. These show good faith without asking the civil court to interpret doctrine.
- Economic evidence: guideline worksheets, budgets, employment records; show how refusal increases financial dependence or prevents remarriage that would alter support.
- Custody evidence: parenting logs, school/community letters, therapy notes (where permissible), and any domestic-violence findings relevant to coercive control.
- Proposed orders: draft religion-neutral remedies (e.g., “party shall comply with the arbitration award” or “temporary maintenance of $X until entry of final judgment”). Avoid asking the judge to order “grant a get.”
Decision table — typical litigation postures
| Posture | Civil tool | What to ask for | Key proof |
|---|---|---|---|
| Refusal + halachic prenup with daily support | Contract enforcement; money judgment | Order payment per clause; fees | Signed agreement; calculation; no doctrinal interpretation |
| Refusal; no contract; NY-style statute applies | Affidavit + equitable distribution/maintenance factors | Consider refusal as barrier to remarriage | Proof of refusal; economic impact |
| Custody dispute with coercive control | Best-interests analysis; DV statutes | Parenting plan that protects child; exchanges; therapy | Evidence of intimidation, gatekeeping, instability |
FAQ (English)
1) Can a U.S. court order a spouse to grant or accept a get?
Generally no. Courts avoid directing religious acts. They may, however, enforce a secular contract (e.g., a support obligation until the get is given) or consider refusal under a barriers-to-remarriage statute where enacted.
2) Will a judge increase alimony if a spouse refuses the get?
Sometimes. Where allowed, refusal may be weighed as economic coercion or a barrier to remarriage. In other states, judges limit themselves to standard factors unless there is a contract or statute.
3) Does a ketubah by itself decide maintenance?
Not usually. Many ketubot are phrased in religious terms and lack a secular sum certain. Courts are more likely to enforce a separate prenup or a Beth Din arbitration award that translates obligations into civil legal language.
4) How can get issues affect custody?
Only through the best-interests lens: if refusal is used to control or harm the other parent or destabilize the child’s life, a court can adjust allocation of decision-making, order therapy, or craft exchanges—without compelling religious acts.
5) What if the parties signed a Beth Din arbitration agreement?
Civil courts typically enforce arbitration clauses (state and federal arbitration law). If the Beth Din issues an award that is facially secular (e.g., money), a court can confirm it like any other award.
6) Are there criminal penalties for withholding a get?
U.S. civil courts do not punish religious non-compliance as a crime. Some conduct could fit general laws (e.g., stalking, intimidation) but the remedy is usually civil (support, fees, orders of protection), not religious compulsion.
7) How do I document good faith?
Keep written invitations to appear before a Beth Din, mediation records, and counsel letters. Avoid threats or quid-pro-quo offers that could look like leverage.
8) Can a court delay the civil divorce until the get is addressed?
In jurisdictions with barriers-to-remarriage rules, courts may require an affidavit or stay entry of judgment pending compliance. Elsewhere, judges are cautious and rely on standard scheduling or contract enforcement.
9) What if the refusing spouse lives abroad?
Use Beth Din notices, international service mechanisms, and—if you have a civil contract—sue where the spouse has assets for enforcement of a money judgment.
10) Are parenting-time conditions about religious schooling allowed?
Yes, if tied to the child’s best interests and the parties’ prior practice. Orders must be religion-neutral in rationale and avoid compelling religious rituals.
Technical/legal basis (plain-English)
- First Amendment / ecclesiastical abstention: Courts avoid deciding religious doctrine or compelling religious rites; they may apply neutral principles of law to secular aspects of religiously-tinged agreements.
- Contract & arbitration law: Prenups/postnups and arbitration agreements are enforced if voluntary, with fair disclosure and definite terms; awards that grant secular relief (money, fees) can be confirmed like any other award.
- Family-law standards: Best-interests governs custody; guidelines and equitable-distribution factors govern support/property. Courts may account for coercive control and domestic violence.
- Barriers-to-remarriage statutes (illustrative only): Certain jurisdictions require an affidavit regarding removal of barriers to remarriage or authorize consideration of refusal in equitable distribution/maintenance. Coverage and wording differ by state.
- Evidence & translations: When submitting religious or foreign-language documents, use certified translations; authenticate foreign records via apostille or consular legalization if required.
Conclusion
U.S. courts respect religious freedom and cannot order a spouse to give or accept a get. Yet they can protect parties and children through secular tools: enforcing contracts and arbitration awards, applying barriers-to-remarriage statutes where they exist, awarding maintenance free of coercion, and crafting best-interests custody plans. The most successful strategy is to present the court with a religion-neutral record: clear writings, financial disclosure, objective evidence of coercion or impact on children, and carefully framed remedies that redress civil harms without adjudicating theology.